That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
