So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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