im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
