The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
