Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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