I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
