Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
