No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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