We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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