I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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