At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
being pregnant is like rehab
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
