Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
