p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
