I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize