Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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