Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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