They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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