I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say