My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.