Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
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I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
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He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?