dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!