you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
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I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
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Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.