I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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