So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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