How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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