I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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