I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
