I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
