so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
