Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
