Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
