you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize