ADVERTISEMENT

• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."

  (817): View more from Texas

  I was drunk but it's true

  Fav 10 4180 851

  share tweet
  

• (706): View more from Georgia

  Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.

  Fav 16 1254 3907

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (512): View more from Texas

  He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.

  Fav 8 1166 3330

  share tweet
  

• (703): View more from Virginia

  It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...

  Fav 8 2229 1958

  share tweet
  
• 

  21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (260): View more from Indiana

  It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.

  Fav 14 1488 4880

  share tweet
  

• (301): View more from Maryland

  He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.

  Fav 6 4693 1307

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (507): View more from Minnesota

  I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure

  Fav 5 2672 1228

  share tweet
  

• (+61): View more from Australia

  i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?

  Fav 6 2627 1068

  share tweet
  

• (307): View more from Wyoming

  Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Jesus Christ you're perfect.

  Fav 4 1252 720

  share tweet
  
• 

  19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (847): View more from Illinois

  So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.

  Fav 3 798 546

  share tweet
  

• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.

  Fav 1 641 466

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (212): View more from New York

  I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.

  Fav 2 150 65

  share tweet
  

• (330): View more from Ohio

  Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.

  Fav 0 82 9

  share tweet
  

• (917): View more from New York City

  Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...

  Fav 4 70 13

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (613): View more from Ontario

  3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"

  Fav 0 32 8

  share tweet
  

Randomize