dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
