Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks