Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard