You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.