meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
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I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
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stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial