She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Is it because I queefed?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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