I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
