I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
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Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
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Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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