When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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