My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize