I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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