I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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