ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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