First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
