Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
