If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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