just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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