Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
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i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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