literally had 100 drinks last night.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
