i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
