Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
