They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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