and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
