I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
