At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
