i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
