Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Randomize
