Quick, to the slutcave!
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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