now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
