Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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