I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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