I want to walk on stilts...naked
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
