and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
they're like a gay fantastic four
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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